He wore pink socks.......

Okay I want to first and foremost apologize for not making a new post in a while. I have been in love land with my new boyfriend floating on a cloud but nobody wants to hear about that so lets cut to the chase of a story that happened about 7 months ago which was one of the WORST dates I have ever been on......

I will confess I found this guy online. He wrote me an email and said he knew one of my friends that was in one of the pictures with me on my dating profile. I then contacted my friend and she said she had not seen him in 7 years but he seemed legit maybe a little eccentric but nice. After looking at his picture I thought WOW this guy is so handsome and I love everything he says about himself on his profile. I then build it up in my head as I ALWAYS do and most women do and I thought to myself maybe just maybe this could be THE ONE!

Fast forward to the first date and I look out my window and see him pull up in a Range Rover. I am not a materialistic person by any means but it sure didn't hurt that he had a nice car. As I walk down the hallway to meet him outside I am beaming with excitement! I have a HUGE smile on my face that I cant hide!!! He steps out of the car and all the sudden I feel like someone had stuck a needle in a balloon and it had deflated!!! My smile turned to a look of shock! I tried to play it off but it was hard. He was about 5'3 his profile said 5'9. He looked about 15 years older than the pictures I saw and he had on a Affliction shirt with ripped up jeans and white snake skin shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I mention he had a pot belly?? What on earth would make him think he could get away with wearing that skin tight shirt???

Anyway I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him and try to get to know him. It is possible he could have a FANTASTIC personality and we can always get him new clothes! 5 mins after talking I realize that is not the case this guy is a total CREEP! Not to mention I looked down at his feet and discovered he was wearing BRIGHT PINK SOCKS!!! I asked him about it and he said that he thinks socks is a way of expressing yourself!!!!!!!

We sit down for dinner,  the waitress comes and he orders a scotch neat which means NO ICE. She comes back with a scotch WITH ICE in it. She walks away from the table and I see him glaring at the glass. He then looks at me dead in the eye and grits his teeth and says "Didn't I fucking order the scotch NEAT!?" he then proceeds to punch the table. I immediately sent a mass text to all my girlfriends whom I had told about the date "hes not the one" It gets better he then goes into detail about how HOT he thought my friend was that he knew from years ago that he saw in the picture. He said he had a huge crush on her.

About an hour into the date we had a few drinks and we sat on the patio. He begins to chain smoke and tell me about how his aunt ran over his uncle with her car but it was an accident. His eyes start to get a little watery at that point. URGH!!!!!! I couldn't take it anymore I had to END this date. I told him I was tired so he took me home and tried to kiss me which of course I declined. Needless to say I NEVER saw this guy again! After the date I went to my apartment poured myself a glass of wine and watched Sex and the City. Most women would have been bummed about such a bad date but quite honestly I could not stop laughing! I swear I feel like this shit only happens in my life :-)

Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

This is just a quick post to vent. Ive had ALOT of bad experiences as far as dating and relationships go. I am finally in a place where I am happy and feel at ease with my life not to mention the special man in my life. The only thing I wish I could erase from my memory are all of these past experiences. Lately images pop into my head of an ex yelling at me or I will recall the exact look on his face when he was telling a lie. I get flashbacks of feeling let down and mistreated. I would almost compare it to post traumatic disorder in the way that flash backs pop into a persons mind causing them a great deal of stress. I don't know whats sparking this in me but I'm even dreaming about it at night.

As much as I am enjoying that I have found an amazing man that makes me happier than I can recall I would give anything to wash these bad memories away. Its like a dark cloud that hangs over me. It causes me to not fully let go, it causes me to be negative. These assholes who have let me down in the past DO NOT deserve to put a damper on my future happiness. I guess I just need to learn to control my thoughts.....that or therapy!!! Long story short I just don't think I could deal with another heartbreak.

Thanks for hearing me vent.

You DUMPED a DOCTOR......What are you thinking?!

So a few years ago I was in a 2 year long relationship with a doctor. We will call him Dean. Dean was the perfect package. He was handsome, driven and what every woman would want which is a DOCTOR! Not only was Dean the perfect package our relationship had the illusion of being the perfect package as well. We looked great in pictures. I was good at pretending to be someone else around all his well to do medical school friends. Let me go into detail on this.

My mother says in this world there are 2 types of women.You have your Maryanne’s and your Victoria’s. Maryanne is the type of girl who has a closet full of Gap clothing and wears turtlenecks to bars. Maryanne’s have had a great upbringing and in most cases are the sheltered type. Maryanne’s went to college and made good grades.

 The Victoria’s of the world have an edge to them. There upbringing was probably less than stellar. They have a past. They may have more than 2 drinks at the bar. They may have done things in their past that society would consider "promiscuous". Victoria’s didn’t exactly follow the rules in life to fit a cookie cutter existence.

I would like to say maybe I am a mixture of both. However the group of doctors/medical students that Dean and I spent most of our time with were all the Maryanne’s of the world. I tried so hard to fit the mould. I dyed my hair brown and started shopping for more Ivy League type clothing. I would try to laugh at the jokes they would make but it was a forced laugh because these people were straight up NOT FUNNY! Not my type of funny anyway. When we would all go to a bar I would sneak outside and smoke a cigarette just to escape. I would try to hide my smoking from Dean but he knew. I would walk back in and all the Maryanne’s would be giving me go to hell looks and Dean would smell me and then look me up and down with a look of disgust and/or disappointment.

I seriously had to change who I was and really tone my personality down to be a part of the relationship. Not to mention I had to tone down my sex drive. Dean had a very low sex drive. So many nights I went to bed and he didn’t even touch me I would try to initiate sex with him and 9 times out of 10 I was turned down. Dean was a logical guy and I was and am a emotional and passionate person.

This went on for a couple of years and something in me snapped. I could not live a lie anymore. I could not keep pretending to be this person I was not just to be able to marry a doctor. I remember when people found out I broke up with Dean they had looks of shock and disappointment on their faces. People would even come right out and say "Why on earth would you dump him he is a doctor???!!!!"

When I pictured my future with a doctor. I saw lots of lonely nights ahead of me. I saw a sexless marriage. I saw having to hide who I really am to fit this perfect picture of what a doctors wife should be. Dean was a good man and honestly he treated me well but at the end of the day I knew he just wasn’t the one for me and I wasn’t the one for him. He needs to find himself a nice Maryanne
;-)