Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Self Control & First Dates

Okay not to give everyone too much information but I have not had sex in almost 2 MONTHS! I have no desire to have casual sex with any of the guys from my past.

Here is the issue I had a great first date last night with a guy I have known for the past few months. Every time I would see him I felt a strong attraction for him. I knew even before the first date there was a strong chemistry there. Last night I finally got to go on a date with him and to say I was excited was an understatement. I was beaming and smiling all night. We really hit it off just the way I knew we would.

We started out having an amazing dinner and of course cocktails. The conversation was flowing. No awkward silences. The eye contact was magnetic for most of the evening. As I talked to him and got to know him better I just liked him more and more as the night went on.

At the end of the night he kissed me. He didn't ask. There was not a moment where we were looking into each other eyes and he then went for it. He straight up just went in for the kill. First kisses are typically strange. You have to learn the other persons kissing style etc. Not the case with him and I. The kiss was amazing. Honestly one of the best kisses ever. I am not going to lie to everyone the kiss lingered for about 30 minutes at least! It felt like only a couple of minutes. It gave me the butterflies  and that roller coaster ride feeling in my tummy. He said a few things that concerned me after the kiss such as "I could kiss you forever" or "I cant believe this amazing connection we have" it was nice to hear but honestly he does not know me that well so in the back of my mind I do question how sincere those statements were.

The hardest part will be to not sleep with this guy too soon. I know that I cant and I know that I am not supposed to. I am aware that I am supposed to make him wait and believe me I am going to try really hard because I would like to see this to develop into something but it wont be easy.

I walked away from the date feeling high on life and excited (in more ways than one) ;-)
I like the guy and I am looking forward to the next date. I am going to keep a positive an open mind about the situation and of course try to keep my eyes open and my feet planted firmly on the ground. This is not easy when you get kissed in a way that makes your heart pound and your palms sweat!

 Ill keep everyone posted!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Say What You Mean & Do What You Say.....

Okay so if you read my last post you know that I after months and month declared to my roommate that I have feelings for him. Long story short he called me and we talked a few minutes and he said that I should not feel awkward about how I feel because the feelings I feel are reciprocated and that he would like to take me to dinner to further talk about things. I was SHOCKED never in my mind did I think he had feelings for me too. So we planned to have dinner tonight and talk about things.

I wake up this morning and run into him in the kitchen and he basically says he needs to rain check because hes got other stuff going on and maybe tomorrow we can do lunch or something. I was calm, cool and collected about it and said yeah sure that's fine whenever with a smile. I then said we dont have to have some fancy dinner to talk about things just whenever you get sometime we can talk about it here at the house. He then said sorry about having to rain check blah blah blah.

While this dinner meant alot in my head and I knew there was alot at stake I was going to put myself out there and be open and honest. There was no way in hell I would cancel or rain check something like that but he did. The simple answer is it just didn't mean as much to him. You would think I would be upset or heartbroken but I am not. I just finished an fantastic run and I expected this type of behavior from him. Ive lived with him 6 months and one thing he is NOT is dependable. As my mom says "say what you mean and do what you say" this is a motto my roomie does not live by. I am in good spirits today and I am looking at it with the thought that I dodged yet another bullet and I am going to keep my head and my hopes held high because I am an AMAZING WOMAN!!!!!!!



Friday, June 1, 2012

Expect the unexpected......

Lots of events this week.

I have officially 100% broken it off and have ended it with who I thought was Mr. Wonderful and Mr. Right. Whats crazy is I have felt with all my being I have met "the one" 4 times in my life. I was wrong about each one. Now I sit back and wonder what meeting "the one" really feels like because God knows I have been wrong more times than I care to remember.

I went with the safe guy. The guy who didn't wear Affliction shirts, no fake tan, no arched eye brows, no bad habits and not a guy who likes the club scene and guess what he turned out to be just a big of a douche as the rest. We had decided we would take a little time to ourselves to think about the relationship and the direction it would go because it had not been exactly smooth sailing. I went on facebook a couple of days ago to discover he had added a new friend. He knows nobody in Houston because he just moved here from out of state so I knew it was fishy. What made it worse is the woman he added. Imagine classy, beautiful and someone who looks like a nice sweet girl....SHE WAS THE OPPOSITE!!!! Bleached blond hair, face that looks like a meth addict the list goes on and on...TRASHY!!! Long story short my drunk ass calls him and asked him why he befriended such a nasty slut and his response is "don't talk about my friend that I met 2 days ago like that...shes a nice girl" I wanted to vomit. My Mr. Right turned out to be a total stranger someone I did not know. I told him to never contact me again and if he ever thinks he may want to DONT!!!!" I then hung up the phone and cried my eyes out.

It doesn't help that I had a date planned for tomorrow night with another what seemed to be nice guy and he canceled. I cant say that at that point I was even sad. I laughed and then analyzed the situation. I am not ready to date and God has dodged yet ANOTHER BULLET for me. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep yourself from crying. They say its all about attitude and I am going to wake up tomorrow and feel positive about myself, workout and enjoy my life....it it is short after all ....life that is :-)