Self Control & First Dates

Okay not to give everyone too much information but I have not had sex in almost 2 MONTHS! I have no desire to have casual sex with any of the guys from my past.

Here is the issue I had a great first date last night with a guy I have known for the past few months. Every time I would see him I felt a strong attraction for him. I knew even before the first date there was a strong chemistry there. Last night I finally got to go on a date with him and to say I was excited was an understatement. I was beaming and smiling all night. We really hit it off just the way I knew we would.

We started out having an amazing dinner and of course cocktails. The conversation was flowing. No awkward silences. The eye contact was magnetic for most of the evening. As I talked to him and got to know him better I just liked him more and more as the night went on.

At the end of the night he kissed me. He didn't ask. There was not a moment where we were looking into each other eyes and he then went for it. He straight up just went in for the kill. First kisses are typically strange. You have to learn the other persons kissing style etc. Not the case with him and I. The kiss was amazing. Honestly one of the best kisses ever. I am not going to lie to everyone the kiss lingered for about 30 minutes at least! It felt like only a couple of minutes. It gave me the butterflies  and that roller coaster ride feeling in my tummy. He said a few things that concerned me after the kiss such as "I could kiss you forever" or "I cant believe this amazing connection we have" it was nice to hear but honestly he does not know me that well so in the back of my mind I do question how sincere those statements were.

The hardest part will be to not sleep with this guy too soon. I know that I cant and I know that I am not supposed to. I am aware that I am supposed to make him wait and believe me I am going to try really hard because I would like to see this to develop into something but it wont be easy.

I walked away from the date feeling high on life and excited (in more ways than one) ;-)
I like the guy and I am looking forward to the next date. I am going to keep a positive an open mind about the situation and of course try to keep my eyes open and my feet planted firmly on the ground. This is not easy when you get kissed in a way that makes your heart pound and your palms sweat!

 Ill keep everyone posted!

Say What You Mean & Do What You Say.....

Okay so if you read my last post you know that I after months and month declared to my roommate that I have feelings for him. Long story short he called me and we talked a few minutes and he said that I should not feel awkward about how I feel because the feelings I feel are reciprocated and that he would like to take me to dinner to further talk about things. I was SHOCKED never in my mind did I think he had feelings for me too. So we planned to have dinner tonight and talk about things.

I wake up this morning and run into him in the kitchen and he basically says he needs to rain check because hes got other stuff going on and maybe tomorrow we can do lunch or something. I was calm, cool and collected about it and said yeah sure that's fine whenever with a smile. I then said we dont have to have some fancy dinner to talk about things just whenever you get sometime we can talk about it here at the house. He then said sorry about having to rain check blah blah blah.

While this dinner meant alot in my head and I knew there was alot at stake I was going to put myself out there and be open and honest. There was no way in hell I would cancel or rain check something like that but he did. The simple answer is it just didn't mean as much to him. You would think I would be upset or heartbroken but I am not. I just finished an fantastic run and I expected this type of behavior from him. Ive lived with him 6 months and one thing he is NOT is dependable. As my mom says "say what you mean and do what you say" this is a motto my roomie does not live by. I am in good spirits today and I am looking at it with the thought that I dodged yet another bullet and I am going to keep my head and my hopes held high because I am an AMAZING WOMAN!!!!!!!

Expect the unexpected......

Lots of events this week.

I have officially 100% broken it off and have ended it with who I thought was Mr. Wonderful and Mr. Right. Whats crazy is I have felt with all my being I have met "the one" 4 times in my life. I was wrong about each one. Now I sit back and wonder what meeting "the one" really feels like because God knows I have been wrong more times than I care to remember.

I went with the safe guy. The guy who didn't wear Affliction shirts, no fake tan, no arched eye brows, no bad habits and not a guy who likes the club scene and guess what he turned out to be just a big of a douche as the rest. We had decided we would take a little time to ourselves to think about the relationship and the direction it would go because it had not been exactly smooth sailing. I went on facebook a couple of days ago to discover he had added a new friend. He knows nobody in Houston because he just moved here from out of state so I knew it was fishy. What made it worse is the woman he added. Imagine classy, beautiful and someone who looks like a nice sweet girl....SHE WAS THE OPPOSITE!!!! Bleached blond hair, face that looks like a meth addict the list goes on and on...TRASHY!!! Long story short my drunk ass calls him and asked him why he befriended such a nasty slut and his response is "don't talk about my friend that I met 2 days ago like that...shes a nice girl" I wanted to vomit. My Mr. Right turned out to be a total stranger someone I did not know. I told him to never contact me again and if he ever thinks he may want to DONT!!!!" I then hung up the phone and cried my eyes out.

It doesn't help that I had a date planned for tomorrow night with another what seemed to be nice guy and he canceled. I cant say that at that point I was even sad. I laughed and then analyzed the situation. I am not ready to date and God has dodged yet ANOTHER BULLET for me. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep yourself from crying. They say its all about attitude and I am going to wake up tomorrow and feel positive about myself, workout and enjoy my life....it it is short after all ....life that is :-)

33 ALMOST HUSBANDS.....32 IS LONG GONE

The title of this post is 33 Almost Husbands----32 Is Long Gone that is because as of 2 days ago I broke up with yet another boyfriend. It seems like I do alot of things well but relationships is not one of them.

The reasons it ended are alot of small things that at the end of the day are big things. He is alot younger than me which I never thought was an issue until the other night when his immaturity reared its ugly head. He was beginning to have controlling type behavior which is NOT going to work for me. The only person who has been paying my bills is ME and noway am I going to let myself be controlled. Perhaps if I was more sweet and submissive I would have a long term boyfriend..... He was also starting to hint at the fact that he didn't think it was a good idea for me to hang out with my friends. I flat out told him WELL THEY WERE HERE BEFORE YOU WERE!!!!

I can honestly say myself at 22 would have put up with that type of behavior.  I would have let a man come in between me and my friends but I already went down that road. I like to consider myself  the type of woman who learns lessons from these shitty and sometimes wonderful relationships I have had (mostly shitty)!!!

So here I am today on Memorial Day single once again.  This means more stories for you and to be quite honest less stress on myself because these men stress me the F*CK out. At this point I really would rather be single and the only thing that might make that statement seem untrue is the fact that I have a date for next Saturday ;-)

P.S. The ex boyfriend is coming to my apartment today to get his stuff. I have not seen him in 2 days. I hope this is nice and easy, I give him his stuff and he leaves opposed to him wanting to sit down and have a long emotionally draining talk. Wish me luck!

Other Peoples Property......

Other peoples property.....also known as O.P.P. This is a concept a friend of mine talked about recently. It basically means when a person is in a relationship and taken they automatically become more attractive to the opposite sex.

I have never believed this was true until it has happened to myself first hand. I am now a taken woman and in the past month have been hit on, checked out and asked out more than I did when I was single in 3 months! I then go back into the old memory bank and remember every time I have been in a relationship and without fail other men seemed to want me more than a beer on Superbowl!!!! Of course when I was single finding a descent man was like finding water in the desert. GO FIGURE!!!!!!

I know I am not the only person this is happening to because I have interviewed other friends of mine and they say the same thing. I think it is one of two things......

Option #1: When you are not on the look out for a potential mate people seem to give off a confident and kicked back vibe that the opposite sex naturally gravitates  to. The reason is because people DIG CONFIDENCE!

Option #2: Simply put not all people but ALOT of people want what they cant have a good example of this is you go to a restaurant and order something that sounds good to you but you look at the table next to you and the choice they made for dinner looks so much better than what you are eating.

Of course there are exceptions to this rule but this is just something I have noticed. What I want to know is what is YOUR opinion on O.P.P????

My personal opinion is I might admire O.P.P but I don't want other peoples property I want my own!!! Call me old fashion ;-)

He wore pink socks.......

Okay I want to first and foremost apologize for not making a new post in a while. I have been in love land with my new boyfriend floating on a cloud but nobody wants to hear about that so lets cut to the chase of a story that happened about 7 months ago which was one of the WORST dates I have ever been on......

I will confess I found this guy online. He wrote me an email and said he knew one of my friends that was in one of the pictures with me on my dating profile. I then contacted my friend and she said she had not seen him in 7 years but he seemed legit maybe a little eccentric but nice. After looking at his picture I thought WOW this guy is so handsome and I love everything he says about himself on his profile. I then build it up in my head as I ALWAYS do and most women do and I thought to myself maybe just maybe this could be THE ONE!

Fast forward to the first date and I look out my window and see him pull up in a Range Rover. I am not a materialistic person by any means but it sure didn't hurt that he had a nice car. As I walk down the hallway to meet him outside I am beaming with excitement! I have a HUGE smile on my face that I cant hide!!! He steps out of the car and all the sudden I feel like someone had stuck a needle in a balloon and it had deflated!!! My smile turned to a look of shock! I tried to play it off but it was hard. He was about 5'3 his profile said 5'9. He looked about 15 years older than the pictures I saw and he had on a Affliction shirt with ripped up jeans and white snake skin shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I mention he had a pot belly?? What on earth would make him think he could get away with wearing that skin tight shirt???

Anyway I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him and try to get to know him. It is possible he could have a FANTASTIC personality and we can always get him new clothes! 5 mins after talking I realize that is not the case this guy is a total CREEP! Not to mention I looked down at his feet and discovered he was wearing BRIGHT PINK SOCKS!!! I asked him about it and he said that he thinks socks is a way of expressing yourself!!!!!!!

We sit down for dinner,  the waitress comes and he orders a scotch neat which means NO ICE. She comes back with a scotch WITH ICE in it. She walks away from the table and I see him glaring at the glass. He then looks at me dead in the eye and grits his teeth and says "Didn't I fucking order the scotch NEAT!?" he then proceeds to punch the table. I immediately sent a mass text to all my girlfriends whom I had told about the date "hes not the one" It gets better he then goes into detail about how HOT he thought my friend was that he knew from years ago that he saw in the picture. He said he had a huge crush on her.

About an hour into the date we had a few drinks and we sat on the patio. He begins to chain smoke and tell me about how his aunt ran over his uncle with her car but it was an accident. His eyes start to get a little watery at that point. URGH!!!!!! I couldn't take it anymore I had to END this date. I told him I was tired so he took me home and tried to kiss me which of course I declined. Needless to say I NEVER saw this guy again! After the date I went to my apartment poured myself a glass of wine and watched Sex and the City. Most women would have been bummed about such a bad date but quite honestly I could not stop laughing! I swear I feel like this shit only happens in my life :-)

Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

This is just a quick post to vent. Ive had ALOT of bad experiences as far as dating and relationships go. I am finally in a place where I am happy and feel at ease with my life not to mention the special man in my life. The only thing I wish I could erase from my memory are all of these past experiences. Lately images pop into my head of an ex yelling at me or I will recall the exact look on his face when he was telling a lie. I get flashbacks of feeling let down and mistreated. I would almost compare it to post traumatic disorder in the way that flash backs pop into a persons mind causing them a great deal of stress. I don't know whats sparking this in me but I'm even dreaming about it at night.

As much as I am enjoying that I have found an amazing man that makes me happier than I can recall I would give anything to wash these bad memories away. Its like a dark cloud that hangs over me. It causes me to not fully let go, it causes me to be negative. These assholes who have let me down in the past DO NOT deserve to put a damper on my future happiness. I guess I just need to learn to control my thoughts.....that or therapy!!! Long story short I just don't think I could deal with another heartbreak.

Thanks for hearing me vent.